This is how I feel!!
Right now, when I have downtime, I either take a nap (sleep when the baby sleeps!!) or do chores. Usually blogging isn't on my mind, except to think about all the stuff I haven't blogged yet. Then the bloggy guilt comes, and this week, I can't handle any more guilt.
Monday we went to the doctor for both boys' check-ups, Jack's 2 year and Miller's 4 month (2 wks late). [Insert line about "how I still need to take official 2 year old pictures of Jack and write a big 2 year old post" here.] So everything is all good with Jack, except I need to do a better job of brushing his teeth. Whoooops.
We get around to Miller and here's where the bummed out/guilty part comes. Jack has always been on the lower end of the charts for weight, anywhere from 30-40th percentile, and over 75th percentile for height. So when they told me that Miller was only in the 2nd percentile for weight and height, I was SHOCKED!! (This means that 98% of boy babies his age are bigger than he is.)
Prior to our appointment, I had been feeding him every 3 hours and trying to stick with a routine of eat, awake for an hour or so, nap for as long as he will, and then awake until it's time for the next scheduled feeding. He has felt bigger to me, showing growth milestones of alertness, babbling, holding his head up, etc. But the proof is in the pudding, he's just not gaining as much as we want him to.
So here comes the Mommy Guilt, "How did I not notice this sooner?" "If I had brought him in 2 weeks ago on his actual 4 month birthday instead of waiting to do both boys at once, I could have already been working on this!" "Will I have to stop nursing and give him formula to get his weight up?" "Will I have to start feeding him cereal even though I'd like to wait until he's 6 months?" "Is THIS why he cries all the time?"
So to answer some of those questions... The doctor did want me to start him on cereal and so far so good on that front! (Compared to Jack who HATED it for the longest!) He really likes it and it hasn't seemed to upset his stomach. It also hasn't made him sleep any better - so there goes that myth!
The doctor gave me some formula to use if we need to. I've been using it to mix with cereal, but overall I've just been nursing as often as he needs to. Yesterday was our first real day of demand-feeding and he was just so dadgum happy all day long. And took great naps. (Didn't sleep so great at night, but you can't have everything!) It was really good to have positive progress after such a rough Monday.
Also, I don't know what I would've done without Cara at the doctor with me! She came to help wrangle the boys. She held Miller while we did Jack's stuff, then took Jack out to the van while we finished up with baby brother. Then the rest of the day she listened to me moan and groan and whine about how hard it's been lately, and she let me whine - then talked some sense into me. Thank you B.
Oh, and did I mention that she helped me make a cake for Jack's birthday? I made the cake and then she and Jack made the icing!
It's still not easy. I still don't have all the answers. Even the ones I kinda need right now. But God is in control, and I will trust in Him with all my heart, and lean NOT on my own understanding. In all my ways I will acknowledge Him and He will make my path straight! (Prov 3:5-6)
Just help me remember that when life is like this: