I've got to preface this all by saying I have good kids. Truly.
Sweet, funny Jack who makes me laugh within 5 minutes of him being awake - EVERY day. Precious, happy Miller whose mile-wide-smile makes my whole body feel all warm and tingly.
Really good kids. At any given time, if you ask me how things are going, I will most definitely, with all sincerity tell you that things are wonderful - because they are! I am living the dream!! Married to the man God created for me, and staying home with two precious boys who make me never doubt that THIS is what I've always wanted to do "when I grow up".
It's really hard, some days.
It's hard when Miller keeps crying, and keeps crying, and keeeeps crying, and I don't know what to do to make it better. Luckily we have figured out that he has reflux and a milk intolerance (both can be treated) which were causing a lot of his fussiness, but then he is also colicky, which is basically like "Hey, your kid will cry a lot, and there's nothing you can really do about it."
It's hard when Jack tries to throw himself out of my arms when I'm not doing what he wants to do. The tantrums have begun, people. His new phrases are "Noooo..." "I don't want to do that," "I don't have to do that," "I don't like to do that," "I don't need to do that." I feel like I'm constantly weighing - "Is this really worth disciplining him for?" or "If I don't nip this now, he'll never learn." I mean, you think you know how you'll handle things, but until you go through it, you don't really know.
It's hard to keep up with the house. I can tell myself it's not a big deal to let it go, but it weighs me down sooooo much when it looks like a bomb went off in our kitchen. And our living room. And... our whole house.
It's hard to say no to the playdates, and Bible studies, and groups, and all the activities. I say yes to a LOT of them because I thrive on social interaction, but then the running around wears me down. The hassle of hauling two kids around (even in my awesome mini-van), is sometimes more than I can bear. Grocery shopping? Kill me. And if I do manage to get through Walmart with both boys and a cart full of groceries, then I have to get both boys and all the groceries out of the car and into the house. Kill me again.
It's hard to connect with my husband and give him my best after I've poured myself out all day, and I know that he has most likely had a stressful day at work too. We just want to zone out in front of the TV when the boys (finally) go to bed, and most nights we do.
There's a lot of hard stuff going on around here. But let's be honest - it all pales in comparison. No one is sick. My husband has a job. We have a beautiful home and 2 cars and an AMAZING support system of family and friends. We are ALIVE and filled with the love of Jesus.
Yes, it is hard and it will continue to be hard. But I know we are "in the good 'ol days". Right here. Right now.